I have a picture someone snapped of my brothers and me at our dad’s wedding to our stepmother. They had flown us all to New York City for the wedding. In the picture the three of us are walking away from the photographer down a busy city sidewalk. I’m 13 and my brothers, ages 11 and 9, are on either side of me. We’re all holding hands.
That photo gives me such a melancholy feeling, because I remember how sad and scared I was that day. Life was going to be very different for us from that moment on. And we had no idea what to expect. Even for stepmothers who hit it off with their stepchildren, the wedding day can be an emotionally traumatic event for a kid. On the other hand, sometimes the kids are the ones who push for an official ceremony.
Mary is a nurse. She and her husband, Pat, chose not to get married at all until her stepchildren were grown. She met Pat when she was 32. At the time, he had full custody of five children between the ages of 3 and 9. Mary was happy with her single life and was in no hurry to move in with anyone, so she and her husband dated for eleven years before they married. She maintained her own house and her single lifestyle until the youngest was in high school.
When she finally did get married, the kids helped plan the wedding, insisting on making it more extravagant than even Mary had planned, because they were all so excited to finally officially have her in the family.
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