4. Movie Marathon
Gretchen, her husband, Brad, and her two stepchildren would rent an armful of movies they all wanted to see and have movie marathon nights. “All little kids want to know they can stay up as late as they want,” Gretchen says. “So we would stay up as late as we could, sometimes until two or three a.m.” Now that her stepdaughter is 21 years old, she still comes home from college and asks if they can have a family movie night.
5. Dinnertime
Judy, her three stepchildren, and husband, David, bonded over meals by using the red plate. “We would designate one person to receive the red plate, and the plate says, ‘You are special today.’ We would articulate what we appreciated about whoever received the plate, and they would say what they appreciated about themselves. It became a tradition to appreciate each other in a formal way.”
6. Holidays
There are few things in stepfamily life more stressful than holidays. But this is where the beauty of successful stepfamilies really shines.
In research by John and Emily Visher, pioneers in stepfamily research, and the founders of the Stepfamily Association of America, they discovered that stepfamilies who were able to come up with creative solutions and adapt to the fluid nature of stepfamily life were most successful. The holidays are the perfect test to see just how flexible your stepfamily is.
If your husband and his ex insist on splitting every holiday right down the middle so the kids have to schlep from one house to the other in the middle of Christmas Day, for instance, consider how disruptive that is to the kids. Why not be creative and really see the spirit of the holiday you plan to celebrate?
Who cares about the calendar date? Many stepfamilies have solved the issue by holding separate holidays on completely different weekends, or if possible, both sides of the child’s binuclear family gather at one set of parents’ house so everyone celebrates once and together.
Believe me, your kids will thank you someday if you make the holidays easier on them. Then you can enjoy one another and plan to spend a day exactly the way you all envision it together. Find out how everyone in the family wants to celebrate and you’ll make all members of your family feel included.
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